Why do we do anything to escape reality?
Personal introspection of a dreamer who tries to build things.
The simple answer is that reality can be challenging. Writing this post is actually my attempt to escape reality because I am working on a personal project, and it's difficult at the moment. As a result, my mind begins to wander, searching for something that can help me forget the pain of hitting a wall with the project I'm working on. This is a form of procrastination. I keep myself busy by writing, so I don't feel guilty about not doing anything, but at the same time, I'm not doing what needs to be done, because what needs to be done is painful right now.
Here is a list of things that make me want to escape reality:
Working on something and not finding a solution
In this situation, I typically experience the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages can manifest in various ways, such as feeling frustrated with the lack of progress, blaming external factors, seeking shortcuts, experiencing sadness, and ultimately coming to terms with the situation.
When I can't envision a positive outcome in my future with a certain degree of certainty
I usually panic in these situations. I guess I need to feel a little bit in control of my life to feel good. For example, after attending a bootcamp, I decided to take two months to work on my tech ideas. I had been working as a data analyst and grew frustrated with the fact that I always had these "amazing ideas" (or so I thought) but couldn't build them. I have been to a business school, but my first graduate degree is in engineering, so I think I have always seen myself as a builder. I wanted to finally be able to build my ideas and figured a bootcamp would be the best way to work toward that goal.
So, I am taking two months to build things, but at the same time, I also have to find a job by the beginning of June for financial reasons. I am juggling between these two things, and when I can't progress on my project, I feel scared. I am afraid of failing, not being able to achieve my goals, not being able to build my ideas as I wanted, and not finding a job by June, which would force me to deal with the financial consequences of my dreams. This fear sometimes paralyzes me.
In these moments, I try to escape by sleeping, watching a movie, browsing TikTok, or anything else that distracts me. I am terrified of not being able to realize my full potential. But at the same time, I wonder if I have the potential and if I have what it takes to succeed.
Self-doubt leads to the need for escape in my case.
I believe that failure in one aspect of life feels less painful when, simultaneously, you are succeeding in other areas. Right now, it feels like everything in my life is not working the way it should, and this creates anxiety. This anxiety drives me to escape my reality and avoid dwelling on all the negativity.
Additionally, it's difficult when everyone appears successful on social media. I know that's not the whole story, but I have to admit that seeing people showcase "the life of a software engineer in NYC" can be disheartening when it feels like nothing is going right for you at the moment. Initially, it can feel empowering, offering ideas of what you could achieve. However, after a certain point, especially when you're struggling, it can become depressing as it serves as a reminder of what you have not been able to accomplish.
As our attention spans continue to diminish, I believe it will become increasingly challenging for people, myself included, to work on projects that demand consistent effort over extended periods. This is particularly true when we're not operating within structured environments that enforce external discipline, such as schools or workplaces.
Writing serves as therapy for me. As a result, I decided to pen my personal introspections about my journey and anything that comes to mind on this Substack.
Returning to the "question of the day": Why do we do anything to escape reality (through entertainment, social media, and soon, virtual reality)? It's because reality is difficult. Admitting our failures, fears, and limitations is challenging. In an increasingly dopamine-driven world, we're incentivized to seek the next dopamine rush as quickly as possible in order to feel less miserable.
This contemplation led me to a realization: maybe I will fail, even with a well-thought-out plan and a history of accomplishments that might suggest high competence. Past achievements don't shield us from the possibility of failure, and this is humbling. So perhaps I will fail. I must face that reality, humble myself, and do my best to see how things unfold.